Let’s rant a little, shall we?

Firstly, this blog has been written in my head multiple times before it was actually a real blog. As if my daily encounters with idiotic people and self absorbed bitches wasn’t interesting enough, I decided to share it with you. No need to thank me, after all, they tell you that you’ll feel better after you “talk about it” right? Let’s get started.

I’m 20, these are supposed to be the easiest yet must interesting years of my life… So they tell me. Yet, at this age, they also expect you to make decisions that will effect you for the rest of your life. Meanwhile, trying to fall in love to have the relationship of your dreams. Although I’m all for the high hopes and positive outlook on life, let’s just take a step back and realize how utterly stupid that really is. Falling in love and shit, it’s actually the dumbest thing they try to get you to do. Finding me bitter? Okay, allow us to time travel to explain how I actually got to this spot in my life.

I’m a junior in college, actually scratch that, I’m a sophomore in college considering I failed a couple classes here and there, and didn’t have my shit together till I was 20. Nevertheless, I finally transferred off from the nest, needing a fresh start. It’s exactly what I needed. New state, new faces, new boys, and new boys. Of course, the education is important too. But really, college isn’t ALL about education, do not let them fool you. You want to have fun. You’re independent for the first time, EVER. So with the mindset to find the perfect boy, I did what any girl would do, I got a tinder. Now, keep in mind that I knew absolutely no one at this point. I was desperate, alright! So, after dinner with my roommates (which I’ll rant about later) I got on tinder. I was quickly swiping left and right and right and right…. And more right than left, then stumbled across baseball pants.

FINALLY. I was finally getting the baseball boy that I always wanted, he looked perfect, then he messaged me. And alright, I did get super excited to see that we matched together. WHO WOULDN’T? Then within the hour, I got a message from him. We messaged that soon changed into texting, and by the time I got comfortable with him, I wanted to meet him person. Every Thursday night n a college town is equivalent to a Friday night, you go out, you get drunk, and you party. Hunter said he was going to the club we were, so what better place to meet him, right? Totally right. Okay, so reread the entire scenario again, go ahead, read it! Now think about what you assume happened, make that guessimation, and I can promise you… You’re wrong. The meeting was actually perfect. He was tall, he was tan, and I swear on my grandmothers biscuits and gravy… His arm/shoulder/back muscles were shaped by God delicately. Not to mention, he had the ass of a God. He honestly fell head over heels for me. He danced with me, he talked to me, and he and his friends gathered around me and I entertained them all with my charm. At that very moment, I knew moving to another state was the right choice. Why did I move sooner!? It came time to leave, everyone dispersed, and he hugged me, telling me we’ll definitely see each other soon. You know what my favorite part of this story is? The ending. Because it ends right here. There is actually no ending, really. Because the Tan, Muscular, with a nice Ass baseball sex god never spoke to me after that night. I would love to tell you what happened, but I haven’t spoke to him since that night and it’s been over 3 months. After doing research with my roommates, we eventually discovered baseball boy didn’t even go to my school. He faked the entire thing. So, I got over it. I drank my BudLight and I grew up. And here I was, back on Tinder.

I started swiping left and right again, avoiding homework like hell, when I stumbled across yet another beautiful gift from the Heaven’s themselves. His eyes were honestly mesmerizing, not only that, his body was handcrafted with the finest detail. I was honestly surprised when I swiped right, it immediately showed he matched with me. Not gonna lie, I was all warm and fuzzy. Nothing happened for a while, time went on for about a week or so, then he messaged me.  He was on the wake board team. Okay reread that again, and imagine how hot that actually is. Yeah, he wasn’t my type. He did flips and shit versus hitting home runs… But after my last encounter with baseball pants, I was willing to try new things. Time went on, he asked for my number, and I eventually gave it to him. We texted for what felt like a lifetime, honestly. Just because he was more than board shorts and bleached teeth. He actually had a personality that was somewhat intriguing. We had roughly the same major, give or take somethings. I opened up to him, not because I wanted to, but because it came so natural. He complimented me based on the way I carried myself, how I opened up myself to new things, and actually understood my sense of humor (which is very rare because it’s almost impossible to understand). I felt like I actually knew the kid, yet, never even met him. Come to find out, he actually went to my school, so it actually seemed somewhat perfect. Two weeks. Two whole weeks of texting someone everyday, all day. Now, if you’re a girl reading this… You’ll understand when I tell you that you really become attached at some point, emotionally considering I didn’t have a chance to become attached physically, yet.

It was a Saturday night, and there was a party at Phi Delt. So typically, I grabbed my BudLight, shotgunned a few, and went to the club with my girls. Leaving around midnight, we headed to the bonfire. Then, I got a text from wake board boy saying he was going to be there too. I got nervous. Everything negative I possibly thought of myself came into my mind instantly. I honestly felt like I was drowning, there was no way I could meet him tonight. I wasn’t ready. But at the same time… This feeling of excitement came over me like I’ve never felt before. I couldn’t keep still. My face glowed and I couldn’t stop smiling.

We pulled up to the house, I shotgunned a couple more for reassurance, and here it was… My moment. The girls and I walked in, and I scanned the bonfire area, the house, everywhere. No sign of him, so I had some time to get comfortable. An hour went by, nothing. I eventually gave up. There’s no way something so perfect could actually be perfect, right? Like, there’s no way I’d actually connect with a somewhat decent guy, or so I thought. Then right when I lost all hope, he texted me, saying he’s here. I immediately looked up, from my side of the fire, to the completely opposite side. And there he stood. I know, I know. It sounds honestly too corny to be true, but there he was, right across the fire, and so there I went.

It was actually quite odd, nothing held me back, nothing at all. I instantly walked over there, while the girls followed. He saw me, he smiled, and he hugged me. Let’s just all melt in this moment for a second. Imagine it, please. His smile honestly left me speechless, he smelled like across between hollister and good marijuana. I couldn’t do anything, but smile. So back to reality, he introduced all of us to his friends, and I did the same. We stood in one large circle, which honestly was really nice. I was happy that it wasn’t awkward, and everyone really got along great. As surprising as it sounds, I was honestly really calm. He then put his arm around me, and made the sweetest comment to Molly, one of my best friends. “So, do you approve?” As if he actually wanted to impress Molly, as if he really cared if my friends wanted us to pursue something, real. Molly laughed, and said she most definitely did, and he pulled me closer, commenting “Good, I promise I’ll take great care of her.” And as pathetic, corny, and made-up as it sounds… The whole story is 100% true. But do not worry, there’s always a twist.

He kept looking at his phone, which bothered me. Considering I was so into the moment, I forgot where I even put mine to begin with. I overlooked it, we technically were nothing, so I had no right to be upset about it. He then left, joined someones hit and pass circle, which is fine with me… I smoke occasionally. As he came back, he showed his phone to his best friend, looked at me, with the most amazing eyes, and told me not to move, he’d be right back. So I simply smiled, and continued to talk to everyone else. Fifteen minutes passed, I was constantly scanning over the 100+ people outside, inside, everywhere. Where could he possibly be? I didn’t want to seem stalkerish, we weren’t together! I mean yeah, we just met in person, but wasn’t this supposed to my moment to hangout with him? It was the first time we got to meet in person! Well, the circle remained, the four girls, the three boys. I looked at my phone, no messages. I kid you not, I looked up from my phone, and there he was, making out with another girl while he held her close.

Rage hit me like a truck, embarrassment took over my heart, and my face went blank. It was truly a mouth dropping experience. How could he do this? Molly, from across the group, looked at me, and immediately pulled me aside. Constantly asking me what’s wrong, I couldn’t answer. I was utterly speechless. Should I be though? Do I have a right to be upset? We were texting, there was nothing really going on. Minus the fact I thought we connected, that’s it! Molly soon looked up and saw it too, and immediately hugged me. I felt nothing. Literally, I was numb. We walked back to the group, and I couldn’t help but ask Hunter, “Is that Dillion’s girlfriend?” Hunter caught me up to date with Dillion’s past. “They’ve been off and on for a while, never really official. Her name is Lilly, all the guys think she’s ugly as shit. Why, what’s up?” Then it came over me like a hurricane, he never told them about us… Never even mentioned me, unlike myself, who told my friends every conversation we had. Hunter felt horrible, not really sure if he was just wanting to get laid, or if he actually felt like shit for me. He and the rest of the guys repeatably told me, “You’re so much hotter than her, and you’re chill as fuck! He’s fucking up.” But did it matter what they thought, really? The fact that it was happening all within 8 feet of me, I was mind-blown. As if it wasn’t shitty enough, Dillion was walking back over, her hand in his.

Dillion left with Lilly that night, so use your imagination. But, it’s okay, my friends left with the team, and we went back to their place and played beer pong all night. I ended up with Hunter’s number. Not like it mattered, I was too drunk trying to numb myself from the night itself. Molly drove us back, got me tucked into my bed, and the moment I dreamed of for 14 straight days was completely over, and so were Dillion and I.

I woke up to no texts from him. Nothing at all. Thousands of “what if’s” ran through my head. Was it me, was it the way I looked, was it something I did? I blamed myself, which is now sickening. Days passed, nothing changed. And honestly, it affected me. I didn’t get ready, ever. I looked like a zombie from lack of sleep, and I constantly thought of about every move I made that night that chased him into her arms. Then, my best friend/roommate Ashley convinced me to tell him all my emotions in a text, to solve the hole in my heart. He replied, instantly.